Today, I can say the following things:
- I try to find joy in every single day, and usually succeed.
- I am madly in love with my husband (well okay, I always have been). We are getting a taste of the "empty nest" and having a ball together! So blessed and lucky.
- I could not be prouder of my daughter, and feel like we really enjoy each other's company. I am truly cherishing every minute I have with her this last year of high school. I'm starting to think that maybe we did a pretty damn good job as parents after all. She makes me proud every single day.
- I am starting to feel more balance in my life. I've learned to say NO more often and it feels GOOD.
- I am exercising on a regular basis. I started Couch to 5K five weeks ago. Jim and I also take regular walks in the evening.
- I am trying really, really hard to eat better and making healthier choices. I have not baked anything sweet in AGES (and it kills me!!).
- I decided to start running because I want to grow old (very old!) with my husband and for us to have amazing adventures together. I have a very long bucket list!!
- I am also running because I want to be there for all the moments ahead for our amazing daughter...high school and college graduations, wedding, grandbabies...whatever makes her happy. It's going to be a grand adventure ahead for her and I don't want to miss a minute.
- I am running because I am NOT going to get diabetes. I am NOT going to get heart disease. I WILL BE HEALTHY (even if it kills me!!). Genetics be damned!!!!
- I still don't have the career of my dreams but I have a job from home that pays fairly well, is flexible, and is not as stressful as it used to be when I was in the office. I still need to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
- I LOVE my supportive friends and family and I adore spending time with them.
- As much as I miss having a horse in our family, I am really starting to appreciate what a huge drain on our finances it was. Did I mention HUGE?? Seriously. We have been playing catch up and it feels good to finally have a car without the engine light on, a new sofa to replace the almost 20-year-old-one, and to have the time and money to start on a few home improvement projects. Long, long overdue. Post Horse Recovery Mode (PHRM) is going to take awhile but we are making progress. And Nat has managed to still keep horses in her life in other meaningful ways.
I still have days that are hard, but they are starting to get fewer and farther between. I still miss Shauna every single day, but usually I get a smile on my face when I think of her and not tears. I'm sad that it took me this long after her death to get my act together.... to learn that I am a priority. That I need to be at the top of the list. That I need to take care of myself (and Jim and Nat) first. I still have a LONG way to go, but the baby steps are finally adding up.
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