I wanted so much to be a speaker at Shauna's celebration. We shared such an unforgettable and rare friendship and I wanted the world to know the Shauna I knew and loved... but for many reasons... I did not speak. My brain was in such a fog, filled with grief and sorrow, that I knew I could not do a job worthy of what Shauna deserved. Instead, I put my energy and love into choosing other speakers, planning details of her celebration, and creating programs and the slideshow. Shauna and I spoke at great length about what she wanted for her service, especially at the beginning of her diagnosis and after attending funerals of members of her cancer support group. As we would be walking up the killer powerline hill trail together, she would tell me what she liked at one service, what she didn't like at another service. I tried hard to remember all those details, but hoping that I would never have to put them to use. Toward the end of her battle, we rarely talked about "it". "It" was just too real and too hard. In October, I felt the overwhelming urge to write her a letter one evening. Not to say goodbye, but to celebrate all of the things that made Shauna so special and unique. I ended up writing a 10 page letter that night and giving it to Shauna the next day. I have incorporated some of that letter into my own tribute to Shauna... what I would have read at her celebration if grief hadn't overcome me. In retrospect, I have no regrets. I sat quietly in the background during Shauna's service... and knowing Shauna, that is exactly where she would have been. Her quiet but powerful self, sitting in a chair, watching her efforts and love pour out of those who knew and cherished her.
My brain is still in a fog some days... like everyone else who is grieving her loss... I have good and bad days. She will forever be in my heart and I know she is my guardian angel, with me every moment. If only I had her beautiful words to tell my story. Here is my belated tribute to my beloved friend....
"I met Shauna when she was a young mother... Spencer was in pre-school and Kaelin was merely a babe. She attended the very first scrapbooking class that I taught at a local store. I was immediately drawn to her quiet, nurturing, and kind demeanor. We became fast friends after that night and shared so many fun times together. Scrapbooking weekends at the beach and Black Butte, scrapbooking conventions and crops, taking our kids to Farm Camp, working out at Hawthorn Farm Athletic Club, and taking The Artist's Way classes together. Laughing, talking, creating. We could talk for hours and feel so at ease with each other.
She was such a busy person... holding down a job and being the coolest supermom in Beaverton. Time with Shauna was a luxury, and I will always cherish those coffee dates, scrapbooking crops, and playdates at the park with the kids. And with her every minute, was her camera, documenting all of those special moments. Shauna LOVED being a mom, first and foremost. With much unconditional love and guidance, she continually gave her kids the tools they would need to succeed, to spread their wings and reach for their dreams. Nothing gave her more happiness than sitting at a soccer or basketball game, watching her children play and play well! I also knew from spending time with her, that she was madly in love with her husband. She was so proud of him, and always encouraged him to follow his passion of being a coach. We always said how lucky we were to both have married our true loves, and still be happily married to them.
Shauna became quite the celebrity in the scrapbooking world through her job and by submitting pages to magazines and contests... she was known for her beautiful layouts, stunning photos, and unique journaling. I was in awe watching her create masterpieces. When Spencer and Natalie started second grade, Shauna was hard at work on a paper-piecing book at Hot Off the Press. She recommended me to help out on the book. I was so excited at the prospect of working next to my friend, even if it was on a temporary basis. Luckily, I was hired on permanently. I adored sitting at the desk next to Shauna... it really was a dream job. Creating scrapbook pages and cards while sitting next to one of my closest friends.... and getting a paycheck!! We were lucky to work together until June of 2006 when I took a leave of absence because of my husband's sabbatical. A few days into my time away, Shauna was diagnosed with cancer.
In one of her writings, Shauna said she got cancer and won the lottery all in the same day. She was so in awe of the strength, love and support of her community. I used to joke with her that even with cancer, she was an overachiever. Shauna chose to fight her cancer with that "all or nothing" attitude that had always served her well, enduring the most brutal of chemos with grace and courage. Losing her hair. Being so sick, she thought she would never be able to get out of bed. But through it all, she reached out to others and told her story on her blog. Reaching out to her friends, family, loved ones, her community and to complete strangers. Reaching out with her touching words, her compelling stories and her incomparable will to live. She really wanted to give back to others, in appreciation for all that her community was doing to support her and her family. When she was feeling good (or even just "okay"), you would see her volunteering at school events. One of the most rewarding ways she "gave back" was to work as a patient-teacher for medical students who were taking a class called "Living with a Life-Threatening Disease." Through her example and experiences, three future doctors learned first-hand the importance of compassion, kindness and love in treating their patients. Facebook also became a huge way for her to reach out to others. She was giddy over finding friends from every aspect of her life.... all 525 of them :) And lucky for me, she shared so many of her wonderful friendships. Through her powerful posts and sharing her everyday battle with cancer, she touched every one of her friends and brought them into her army. And what an Army she had... people bringing meals, giving her children rides to school and activities, as well as people providing maid service, gift cards and other necessities. Shauna continued to be an over-achiever through "Write Around Portland". She really found her voice at the workshops, and her writings will forever be her legacy and gift to us all.
One of the most touching nights of my life was a Hat Shower for Shauna. Cheryl and I held a shower right before Christmas in 2007 when we knew that Shauna would be losing her hair due to a new chemotherapy regimen she was starting. Approximately 30 women gathered at my house, each showering Shauna with love, hope and a hat. For as long as I live, I will never forget that night. Truly powerful and inspiring.
I saw a transformation in Shauna because of her cancer. She went from that overly-busy, working supermom, who rarely left time for herself in her day-to-day life, to having to take care of herself in order to keep living. To live every single day to the fullest. To give all of her energy to fight off the cancer. And boy, did she live it up. She tried hard to tell the people she loved just how much they meant to her... to leave nothing unsaid. Something that used to be very difficult for her. Our friendship became stronger and stronger each day, and I'm sure many others felt the same way. Shauna had a gift of connecting to people that was like no other. When she was with you, it was as if you were the only person in the universe. She gave you her undivided attention, and truly loved you for who you are. The good, the bad... it didn't matter to her. She took the time to get to know the REAL me... I can't think of very many people who have done that. Sometimes I think she knew me better than I know myself. She always knew the right thing to say to make it all better, to make me feel special and loved.
Shauna was an example of how each of us should live our life. Living in the moment. Making every day count. To travel to exotic places even when it is a challenge, to reach out and connect to others, to tell our story, to take chances, to follow our passions, to not miss a moment even when we are too busy or feeling crummy.
I am so grateful to have shared such an unforgettable friendship with Shauna. She gave me her deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings. She shared her wishes and dreams. She let me into her heart. And even while she was in the biggest fight of her life, she was still the person I could always count on to be my confidant and friend. She was always there for sage advice and a trusting heart. Never too tired or sick for my calls or visits. ALWAYS there, no matter what. Together we could accomplish anything. We could move mountains. We were safe. I will forever cherish every single second.
I always thought that Shauna would be our miracle. She was always supposed to be the one who would beat the cancer... we were supposed to grow old together. Little old ladies sipping Javaculas at Borders. Watching our kids grow up, graduate from college, get married. Bragging about our grandkids. My husband reminds me that we did have a miracle. Shauna was given three and a half years with us... with Stage IV cancer... that is quite a miracle. And I am so very grateful for every minute I had with her... for every coffee date, for every birthday party, for every errand, for every day we carpooled and sat next to each other at work, for every day we got to watch our kids grow up together, for every Slurpee run, for every walk up those steep hills, for every conversation, for every text, for every email, for every laugh, for every tear, for every smile, for every time I saw that sparkle in her eyes. I am so grateful to have shared this journey with her, my BFF. Love you forever, Shauna."
My brain is still in a fog some days... like everyone else who is grieving her loss... I have good and bad days. She will forever be in my heart and I know she is my guardian angel, with me every moment. If only I had her beautiful words to tell my story. Here is my belated tribute to my beloved friend....
"I met Shauna when she was a young mother... Spencer was in pre-school and Kaelin was merely a babe. She attended the very first scrapbooking class that I taught at a local store. I was immediately drawn to her quiet, nurturing, and kind demeanor. We became fast friends after that night and shared so many fun times together. Scrapbooking weekends at the beach and Black Butte, scrapbooking conventions and crops, taking our kids to Farm Camp, working out at Hawthorn Farm Athletic Club, and taking The Artist's Way classes together. Laughing, talking, creating. We could talk for hours and feel so at ease with each other.
She was such a busy person... holding down a job and being the coolest supermom in Beaverton. Time with Shauna was a luxury, and I will always cherish those coffee dates, scrapbooking crops, and playdates at the park with the kids. And with her every minute, was her camera, documenting all of those special moments. Shauna LOVED being a mom, first and foremost. With much unconditional love and guidance, she continually gave her kids the tools they would need to succeed, to spread their wings and reach for their dreams. Nothing gave her more happiness than sitting at a soccer or basketball game, watching her children play and play well! I also knew from spending time with her, that she was madly in love with her husband. She was so proud of him, and always encouraged him to follow his passion of being a coach. We always said how lucky we were to both have married our true loves, and still be happily married to them.
Shauna became quite the celebrity in the scrapbooking world through her job and by submitting pages to magazines and contests... she was known for her beautiful layouts, stunning photos, and unique journaling. I was in awe watching her create masterpieces. When Spencer and Natalie started second grade, Shauna was hard at work on a paper-piecing book at Hot Off the Press. She recommended me to help out on the book. I was so excited at the prospect of working next to my friend, even if it was on a temporary basis. Luckily, I was hired on permanently. I adored sitting at the desk next to Shauna... it really was a dream job. Creating scrapbook pages and cards while sitting next to one of my closest friends.... and getting a paycheck!! We were lucky to work together until June of 2006 when I took a leave of absence because of my husband's sabbatical. A few days into my time away, Shauna was diagnosed with cancer.
In one of her writings, Shauna said she got cancer and won the lottery all in the same day. She was so in awe of the strength, love and support of her community. I used to joke with her that even with cancer, she was an overachiever. Shauna chose to fight her cancer with that "all or nothing" attitude that had always served her well, enduring the most brutal of chemos with grace and courage. Losing her hair. Being so sick, she thought she would never be able to get out of bed. But through it all, she reached out to others and told her story on her blog. Reaching out to her friends, family, loved ones, her community and to complete strangers. Reaching out with her touching words, her compelling stories and her incomparable will to live. She really wanted to give back to others, in appreciation for all that her community was doing to support her and her family. When she was feeling good (or even just "okay"), you would see her volunteering at school events. One of the most rewarding ways she "gave back" was to work as a patient-teacher for medical students who were taking a class called "Living with a Life-Threatening Disease." Through her example and experiences, three future doctors learned first-hand the importance of compassion, kindness and love in treating their patients. Facebook also became a huge way for her to reach out to others. She was giddy over finding friends from every aspect of her life.... all 525 of them :) And lucky for me, she shared so many of her wonderful friendships. Through her powerful posts and sharing her everyday battle with cancer, she touched every one of her friends and brought them into her army. And what an Army she had... people bringing meals, giving her children rides to school and activities, as well as people providing maid service, gift cards and other necessities. Shauna continued to be an over-achiever through "Write Around Portland". She really found her voice at the workshops, and her writings will forever be her legacy and gift to us all.
One of the most touching nights of my life was a Hat Shower for Shauna. Cheryl and I held a shower right before Christmas in 2007 when we knew that Shauna would be losing her hair due to a new chemotherapy regimen she was starting. Approximately 30 women gathered at my house, each showering Shauna with love, hope and a hat. For as long as I live, I will never forget that night. Truly powerful and inspiring.
I saw a transformation in Shauna because of her cancer. She went from that overly-busy, working supermom, who rarely left time for herself in her day-to-day life, to having to take care of herself in order to keep living. To live every single day to the fullest. To give all of her energy to fight off the cancer. And boy, did she live it up. She tried hard to tell the people she loved just how much they meant to her... to leave nothing unsaid. Something that used to be very difficult for her. Our friendship became stronger and stronger each day, and I'm sure many others felt the same way. Shauna had a gift of connecting to people that was like no other. When she was with you, it was as if you were the only person in the universe. She gave you her undivided attention, and truly loved you for who you are. The good, the bad... it didn't matter to her. She took the time to get to know the REAL me... I can't think of very many people who have done that. Sometimes I think she knew me better than I know myself. She always knew the right thing to say to make it all better, to make me feel special and loved.
Shauna was an example of how each of us should live our life. Living in the moment. Making every day count. To travel to exotic places even when it is a challenge, to reach out and connect to others, to tell our story, to take chances, to follow our passions, to not miss a moment even when we are too busy or feeling crummy.
I am so grateful to have shared such an unforgettable friendship with Shauna. She gave me her deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings. She shared her wishes and dreams. She let me into her heart. And even while she was in the biggest fight of her life, she was still the person I could always count on to be my confidant and friend. She was always there for sage advice and a trusting heart. Never too tired or sick for my calls or visits. ALWAYS there, no matter what. Together we could accomplish anything. We could move mountains. We were safe. I will forever cherish every single second.
I always thought that Shauna would be our miracle. She was always supposed to be the one who would beat the cancer... we were supposed to grow old together. Little old ladies sipping Javaculas at Borders. Watching our kids grow up, graduate from college, get married. Bragging about our grandkids. My husband reminds me that we did have a miracle. Shauna was given three and a half years with us... with Stage IV cancer... that is quite a miracle. And I am so very grateful for every minute I had with her... for every coffee date, for every birthday party, for every errand, for every day we carpooled and sat next to each other at work, for every day we got to watch our kids grow up together, for every Slurpee run, for every walk up those steep hills, for every conversation, for every text, for every email, for every laugh, for every tear, for every smile, for every time I saw that sparkle in her eyes. I am so grateful to have shared this journey with her, my BFF. Love you forever, Shauna."
2 comments:
I came upon your blog by accident(?) and wanted you to know how deeply your words have touched me. I hope you are doing well and the pain of your dear friends loss has somehow found a way to lessen.
Thank you for your kind words, Kristy. I miss her every minute.
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